The thing about Loneliness is…
On Saturday mornings my husband and I attend a prayer service at our church where 45 minutes is dedicated to praying over the prayer requests of the congregation. Those little 2×3 cards can really put things into perspective–death, job loss, addiction, severed relationships, the list goes on and on. You may be struggling in your own life; but you are not alone. Reading those cards reminds you of that–you are not alone.
Many times I pick up cards that I can personally relate to. It might be a coincidence, but I don’t believe much in coincidence. It is a divine intervention that keeps me grounded and reminds me that I am not alone. And sometimes, it reminds me of where I’ve been and what I’ve already overcome.
Today was one of those days. One of the cards I had picked up just had one word sprawled across it, the letters so large they spanned several lines.
Loneliness
It felt like a kick to the gut. I wanted to find that person and reach out to them, tell them that they are not alone. How could you feel alone, you come to a church with hundreds of members? Many of whom are facing similar struggles. Connect with someone and you won’t have to weather the storm alone.
My conversation with God went something like…
“This church is so large. How could anyone feel alone here? There are so many people to share with, to cry with, to connect with–to weather the storm with. No one has to struggle alone. How can you let this person feel so alone? So, outside the lines they didn’t put their name or any details of what they are going through. There are so many people who want to help. Connect them with someone who is sympathetic to their struggles. Help them to build stronger relationships with their church, friends, and family members. They don’t need to feel lonely anymore. They are not alone. There are so many people…”
“Are you done yet?”
“Wait. What?”
“Don’t you remember what it felt like?”
Ooft. Boy do I ever.
I spent the majority of my life being depressed. Most of which I blamed on my parents for getting divorced and making my childhood a never ending roller-coaster of emotions. As I grew older, the net expanded to include classmates, “so called” friends, extended family, church members–anyone who upset me or excluded me from something. I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone. ANYONE. All these people were throwing rocks at me, and I was picking them up and building a massive wall around my heart. I hated people. People hurt you. I just wanted them all to leave me alone.
Oh.
When I was lost in the depths of loneliness, people did try to help me. But I didn’t let them. Funny thing about those rocks… when your friends see that you are building something and they want to help they go foraging for materials. They see you need more rocks, so they throw you some. Your friends start throwing rocks to you. Not at you to you.
The thing about loneliness is that it can’t simply be solved by more social interaction with people. Loneliness is an internal struggle. A struggle that has to be won by the heart and mind of the one who created it. You have to learn to change your view of the people around you, by first learning to change your view of yourself.
And start building a castle instead of a wall. Castles are cooler and you can invite your friends inside, so no one else feels excluded.
P.S. There are always going to be those people who do throw rocks at you. Best not to let yourself be bothered by it. Thank them for the building material. Chances are one day they are going to regret that they gave away everything they had in anger, leaving them with nothing; while you’ve built an awesome castle.