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Month: October 2016

Man of Sacrifice

Man of Sacrifice

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The other day my husband turned to me and asked, “How is it that every day you get more and more beautiful?” I smiled and replied, “Because I love you so much.”

Awwww. So sweet right? My husband is the best. And I am proud of my comparison to Sarah. That’s me so devoted to my husband and God, that I am blessed with great beauty… a princess.

The next morning I awoke, shaking away a strange dream. My husband and I were on a train, and I was sitting beside him, but pretending to sleep while he chatted with another passenger (my husband is the kind of man who has never known a stranger and seems to have a life goal to talk to every person on earth.) At some point the passenger points to me and makes a comment about my beauty and my husband tells him that I’m his sister.

Weird. I think God is trying to tell me something…  I reflect on the book I’m currently reading “This Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage” by Greg and Erin Smalley, and how at the last group meeting when we were discussing our husbands’ spiritual leadership one of the leaders asked everyone to describe their husband’s character with one word. I chose the word “sacrifice.” It was the first thing that came to mind, as my husband will constantly sacrifice himself, his dreams, his desires, for me, for his children. But after I said it aloud, I internally kicked myself because there were like a hundred “better” words I could have chosen. Or were there?

I know many of you are probably smarter than me and get things right away, but I can be kind of stubborn, so sometimes I have to be told things a hundred times before I listen…

My husband and I are in a spiritual struggle right now, fighting for our family and our children. I tend to get pretty heated over the entire thing, because of my past. Great fear enters my mind for my husband’s children because I constantly picture them going through the struggles that I had while I was living with the consequences of my parents divorce. The thoughts, the actions, the words, the tears–all of it floods my memory. And I ache for their broken hearts. I know I’m not their biological mother, but I want so bad to save them from pain, to take on their pain so they don’t have to feel it. I love them with a love I never thought possible, even though they don’t even know me! And I want to save them from going through the same destructive years I lived in depression, fear, bitterness, and hatred. I want them to know nothing but love and happiness.

We got some bad news concerning the struggle and I was devastated. I tried to hide my tears from my husband. I tried to logically find a way to change our circumstances. But then I just broke down and cried out to God, demanding to know why everything keeps going wrong. Where are your promises?! Where is our victory?!

God replied by pointing out several things to me:

1.) Do YOUR Job.

It seems like I’m forever having this conversation with God:

“Stop trying to do MY job. You’re terrible at it.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?”

“Your Job.”

“Which is what?”

“Wait.”

Sigh. “But I want to DO something!”

“Well, wait for me to finish doing my job and then I’ll tell you what needs to be done next.”

“OK.”

And then I start trying to meddle again because I don’t feel like anything is being done, and it starts all over again.

2.) Remember Your Story

I am often prompted with the question “How did your story end? You’ll have to hear my entire Salvation story another time, but the short version is that I’m alive today because someone interceded for me.  Anytime I question the power of prayer, God seems to bring that up… me being living proof and all.

3.) You’re not as spiritual as you think you are.

I often get a little high horsey, when it comes to the subject. I got saved when I was 8, and had an undeniable salvation story when I was 15. I’ve spent most of my life studying scripture, and have lived a relatively “spotless” life. Sometimes, it seems to intimidate my husband. He heralds me as the “prayer warrior” and lets me do all the praying, talking, leading Bible Study groups, and giving advice. So, I can tend to get so caught up in myself, I forget that my husband is the leader. I mean, looking at my resume, aren’t I the more “qualified” candidate? Um. No. Actually not. My husband has much greater faith than I do. Like Abraham. Abraham, the “Father of Faith.”

4.) You can’t steal HIS story.

I never really thought of it that way… but the logic is solid. It’s like trying to parent your kids by putting them in a plastic bubble. You can’t keep them from every bad thing. Even if you did, they wouldn’t be able to live a fulfilled life. My story comes from my deepest, darkest moments. Those are the moments when God shines through. You can try to keep your children from every type of harm; but doing so will also keep them from their purpose, their destiny. Because God turns pain into purpose. We are driven by our experiences. Without the moments that cause us to call out for God, we live like we have no need of Him. I can’t steal my husband’s story, or my children’s stories; I can only live out my own and allow God to write theirs.

 

So, to sum it up, after three consecutive messages I received it: God thinks my husband is strong like Abraham. I should too. I see the evidence every day. One of the greatest stories of Abraham is his willingness to sacrifice Issac for the Lord. One day my husband’s legacy will be similar–having to be willing to lose his son in order to save him.

It’s important to note that God never expected Abraham to actually sacrifice his son, God was interested in Abraham’s heart. God judges us by our heart, not our actions. God is interested in the why not the what. So, if you’re going to be like Sarah, be the Sarah who grew more beautiful everyday for respecting her husband. Don’t be the Sarah who freaked out when Abraham left to make a sacrifice with her only son, likely traumatizing herself with her thoughts–that ended up being totally off the mark. Trust your God. And trust your husband. Your husband is well-intentioned and acting on his heart. Chances are your husband is scared to death of what he is doing, he just has more faith than you in the final outcome.

Must See New Film: “Priceless”

Must See New Film: “Priceless”

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Next week is the theatrical release of the movie “Priceless.”


Check out our special message with Joel on our YouTube Channel.


And then, check out the official movie trailer.

 

Ready to join us on October 14, 2016 to watch the film?!? I believe this film has the capacity to change the film industry as it relates to “faith-based” movies, opening doors the same way “October Baby” did for real, moving stories on hard-hitting subjects. Movies that challenge an internal evaluation and show Christian values, as opposed to a religion-focused message. After all, defining a person’s worth is not a religious issue, it is a human issue. At the very least, I think it will make an emotional impact on your life (In case you were wondering why I don’t say much in the video clip, Joel had just shown us some clips from the movie and they brought me to tears). 

You can read more about my “October Baby” experience here. And even though I have yet to see “Priceless,” you can read about the impact the message behind the movie has already had on me here.

What am I Worth?

What am I Worth?

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Five years ago I moved to a new city with a desire to restart my life. Looking back, I had no idea how different my life would become. It’s not really that I have changed into a new person, but more so that I have changed the way I think. The way I think about life, people, God, but most importantly: the way I think about myself.

I am a very involved individual. I’m tentative and cautious when making decisions, because I know that once I a make a decision I become fully invested, moving headstrong and feeling everything. Books, music, and movies are a very real part of my life because I feel everything so deeply. I grew up watching “Reading Rainbow” and fully believe that I can go anywhere or do anything that is in a book. Because I can. I have. I been transported to new worlds, because I feel so deeply. It is a real world with real impact on my real life.

If you had asked me several years ago about my worth, my shoulders would have dropped my eyes would have turned away and I would have searched desperately for something to say all the while wishing I could just disappear. My worth? Nothing. I am worth-less.

I spent a lot of time trying to outwardly convince others that I was special, but it didn’t help me to believe it about myself. There are many things I experienced over the span of five years that made me reevaluate my worth. I don’t have time to talk about them all, so I am going to focus on one. I want to preface this blog with the disclaimer that another person does not and can not define your worth. However, the people in our lives can help us to see our true worth. So, don’t confuse those two things, it is an important differentiation.

Growing up in a divorced home, I adamantly maintained the thought that I would never get married. Ever. Why would I? I have nothing to offer but brokenness, failure, and pain. And sheer pessimism, because marriage never works. I lashed out at a lot of good men who attempted to tell me otherwise, accusing them of trying to sweet talk their way into my pants.

I have since discovered that the truth is that marriage (and relationships in general) does (do) work, but only when the parties involved know their own worth. That means not defining your worth by the relationship itself or the other person.

In February of 2012 I attended a Winter Jam concert. I went to see my favorite band, Skillet. Since it is a $10 at the door event with no assigned seating, I camped out in front of the door for several hours so I could get in early and sit up front. I was alone, so my planned worked like a charm–one empty seat at the end of the second row. There was only one surprise that night, an opening band by the name of For KING & Country. They were only given a short time on stage, but they stole it. Three songs crammed together, with a simple banner hanging behind them; you would think it would be difficult in this scenario to find the impact, but their lyrics and the passion behind their music pierced through my soul. In particular, the song entitled “Busted Heart.” I knew I needed to hear it again, so during one of the breaks I made my way through the crowded concourses in the civic center looking for their merchandise table. At the table I found the duo selling their not-yet-released album for $5, while signing autographs and taking photos with fans. It reminded me of the first time I saw Skillet live, at a youth hall where they walked around talking with everyone after the show. Humble beginnings with the potential for amazing things.

If you don’t know anything about For KING & Country you should know this, brothers Luke and Joel have a mantra: Priceless. They spend time at their shows defining a woman’s worth as “priceless” and calling men to a return to chivalry and a challenge to all to honor and respect one another. It reminds me of another moment from my past, as a teenager attending a Rebecca St. James concert where she talked about purity and challenged all in attendance to a vow of celibacy until marriage (Coincidentally enough, Rebecca is Luke and Joel’s sister). The messages are similar, but this one was more about who I am and not what I do. The priceless label applies with no strings attached. Respecting one another is an unconditional act, it is never “earned” or “deserved,” everyone should respect everyone else. If you’re a human, it’s what you do.

When I first heard the song, “Busted Heart” I was at a turning point in my life. I felt broken and worthless, but wanted so much more. I had spent so much of my life in church and I knew I could–I could find peace, happiness, joy–I just didn’t believe that I deserved it. I didn’t believe I was worth it. I cycled over and over again from being hopeful about changing my life and then sulking in depression of my past and never being able to outrun it. Like the lyrics from the song, I was “in need of a change” and “desperate for grace.”

Later that year, I met the man who would become my husband. My husband has an amazing heart and truly loves unconditionally. He was the first person I ever felt loved me without strings. He didn’t place unnecessary burdens or expectations on me. He didn’t love me for his own selfish gain. His respect of me was never altered by what I did or what I thought or what I believed. He just simply loved me. As I was.

I have spent so much of my life feeling as though people would only love me if… If I do this. If I say that. If I believe this. If I… [fill in the blank]. My husband showed me that not only could I be loved, but that I was loved. Just for being me.

My husband didn’t change my worth. But he did show it to me. Like a mirror, the way he treated me reflected back and reminded me of who I really was. He allowed me to see myself, instead of forcing something different on me. And I was accepting of what he was saying because I finally felt relief from the pressure of trying to prove myself.

Every human life is priceless. Period. No one or no thing can redefine your worth. You are priceless. You do not have to earn love or respect. You do not have to prove your worth. You just are. You are priceless.

I admire For KING & Country’s message and invite you to follow them. Listen to their music. Read their book. And on Friday, October 14, 2016 go see their new film “Priceless” and take a friend. It might just change your life.